Have you ever wondered what the weirdest websites on the Internet are? As we all know, the internet is one of the most relevant inventions of all times. Western Civilization spent the first 10 years of the internet’s existence exchanging valuable scientific data and networking between professionals. During the next 10 years after that, we all marvelled at the wonders that the World Wide Web (brought to you by America Online) contained. At this point in the 10 years journey of the World Wide Web, the whole internet has been filled up with weird and bizarre websites leaving us all questioning our faith in humanity ever since.
But what are the weirdest websites on the Internet?
Great question. You are in for a treat. The following 10, in particular, are the weirdest websites on the Internet.
Have you ever had a friend who took offence a little too quickly? Did he or she hold a grudge for a really long time? Did your friend call every Kmart in town to complain when a single cashier at one location shortchanged him or her by a nickel? Did you like that person, do you support gay rights, and are you a glutton for punishment?
If the answers to all of those questions are an unqualified yes, then No Homophobes is your kind of place for sure. The creator of this site has invested considerable effort in building a front end for what –terrifyingly – may be a customized web crawler. The purpose of the (it is hoped) automated agent behind the site is to scour all of the social media in the world and display, in something like real time, the exact number of anti-gay slurs being used online. It is not known how accurate this crawler is, nor whether it counts Betty White as homophobic after she tells a friend on Twitter that she’s having a gay time at a picnic, or whether the site catches out British ex-smokers who complain about craving a fag, but future editions will probably smooth out the bugs.
You know those times at work when the stress has been building all day and you need the release that only comes from screaming at the top of your lungs? Has that ever happened to you, despite your being the world’s biggest spazz? Do you work in the kind of office where people who scream at 11:45 am are walked out by security at 11:49? Nooooooooooooooo might be just your speed.
This site, like all of the top weirdest websites, why-even-bother sites on the web, has only one function, and it’s so simple you kind of wonder if a beginner computer science major set it up. Load the site, and you get a white background with a Darth Vader banner on top. Below that is a large blue button. Click on the button. Your speakers will erupt with a three-second audio clip from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, where the newly minted Darth Vader howled with (frankly unconvincing) grief and rage on learning of Padme’s death. Oh, sorry – spoiler if you haven’t seen it yet.
Are you a zombie or a zombie lover? No, seriously, are you? Because Zombie Passions wants to know if you are. This is the web’s premiere, and hopefully only, zombie-themed dating and hookup site, though rumours persist about Ashley Madison.
The site seems to operate like any other dating service, except that its users are expected to be among the undead. In a disturbing commentary on the ennui of modern life, the site boasts thousands of profiles, including a fun category set aside for transgendered zombies who haven’t had luck in love yet. Whoever you are, take five seconds to imagine the kind of person you could pick up out of the “Newest Transgendered Members” section of the Zombie Passions dating website. Now think about how that’s going to sound in a wedding toast.
Easily the most important question you ever asked as a kid, Is It Christmas delivers exactly what its name promises. The site seems to be coded with a single, extremely simple Java app that tracks the current date. For 364 days a year, 365 in leap years, the only content on the site is the single, very large answer: No.
Once a year, however, just as the clock turns over along the International Date Line, the site’s bot switches to “Yes.” It stays that way until Christmas is over for the year, and then it goes back to being depressing again until the next December 25. If you’re a negligent parent who really wants to up your game, consider getting your kids to bookmark this site. Making them answer their own question like this will save you literally seconds every year.
The finest weird site online draws you in with a common emotional hook, such as “wouldn’t it be cool if the Beatles had made a few more records?” and then they slowly draw you down into the abyss of madness. By the time you catch your bearings, you’ve been peering into the screen for what feels like hours and it’s time to put the kids to bed.
On September 9, 2009, a mysterious cassette tape arrived at The Beatles Never Broke Up‘s founder’s home. The small parcel wasn’t just mysterious because it was a cassette tape in 2009, but for how it was marked. The tape was labelled: “The Beatles: Everyday Chemistry” in handwritten blue ink. A sane person would believe that this was random garbage. An optimist might think he had lucked into a million-dollar discovery. A goddamn lunatic jumps to the conclusion that the many-worlds interpretation of quantum physics is correct, and that the tape is a small leak into our universe from another, a better universe where the Beatles are still touring. You have been warned.
The Bible forbids a lot of things. Abominations that merit the death penalty include: Getting a tattoo (Leviticus 19:28), shaving a beard or cutting the hair at your temples (Leviticus 19:27), cursing a parent (Exodus 21:17 ), and muzzling an ox while it’s tending the grain (Deuteronomy 25:4). Another thing the Bible prohibits is the eating of shellfish, and that’s where God Hates Shrimp gets a chance to shine. Now you see why this site has a place on the list of the weirdest websites.
Boasting of a layout and interactivity that would have amazed CompuServe users from 1994, God Hates Shrimp consists of a single HTML-coded splash page with the biblical verses condemning the eating of shellfish… and that’s it. Literally, nothing else exists on this site. No jokes, no injunctions to love one another, no bizarrely explicit rants about the evils of sodomy; nothing. Just chapter and verse condemning shrimp. One suggested the use of this odd little website is to bookmark it on your smartphone or tablet and then pick an argument with a friend of yours over whether or not the Bible allows eating shrimp. If your friend isn’t up to speed on his Jewish dietary laws, and he unwisely takes the opposing position, you’re so ready to win that argument that it hurts.
Some people spend their lives chasing the Almighty Dollar. Others raise a big family and find their happiness in relationships with loved ones. Some live a life of restful contemplation. And still, others are all about helping their fellow man. That’s what Patience Is a Virtue is all about. Click through to that site, and the largest image file of a cat you’ll ever see on the internet will pour through a dial-up modem connection and onto your computer at a flow rate measured in bits per second. If your dishes have all been washed, your music has been organized and reorganized, and you still have an hour to kill, this site can help you learn the virtue of sitting quietly and not doing anything for an hour.
In case you’re tempted to actually click through to that site, you should know that, as of this writing, the page returns a 404 error. Whether this is because the site administrator realized how dumb the concept was, or the philanthropists behind the operation have gone to a whole new level of frustrating their public, remains to be discovered. You can maybe email them, but don’t count on getting a quick reply.
Brad Pitt is a fine actor, but he has his limitations. He’s sane, for example. That really gets in the way when your character is supposed to be utterly psychotic, as Pitt’s character was in 12 Monkeys. You see, a sane person thinks schizophrenia is a matter of pretending to hear voices and tossing one’s hands over one’s head and making silly faces for the camera. Maybe they go the other way, and they think psychotic people are like Hannibal Lecter from Silence of the Lambs, and disturbed people like to stand eerily still and glower at you while classical music faintly plays in the background. None of that is accurate, though, and it gives the public a very misleading impression of what true mental illness looks like.
This false impression doesn’t help anybody. If you’d like to see genuine mental illness, and maybe get a peek into what goes on inside the head of an obsessive-compulsive schizoid personality with a fixation on numerology, have a look at 973-eht-namuh-973.com. Make some sense of what’s on that page, and then come back. We’ll wait.
It happens to the best of us. We’re sitting at our computers, minding our own business, peacefully expressing our opinions about minorities on an anonymous image board, when it strikes – the terrible sense of unease that comes with not knowing whether or not your computer still works. In the past, such a question could only be answered by calling tech support in a distant land and running through elaborate troubleshooting steps over the phone. Computer Power Test, as befits the busy modern world, quickly and efficiently gives you the answer in one visit.
The site is just a single graphic with a black background and a fixed legend: “Your Computer Is:” followed by two options: “Off” and “On.” If the latter, breathe easy; your computer still works fine. If the former, call for help because you’re hallucinating again. Note: As of this writing, the domain seems to be for sale. Until that gets back up and running, it looks like we’re reduced to guesswork.
Do you have a fetish? Is it weird? Is it so weird that it isn’t even about sex, but something that normal people don’t find the least bit sexy? Is it something secretly shameful, so you live your life in hiding and just compulsively load up one of the weirdest websites that cater to your unique tastes? What if that dark, forbidden fetish was to listen to the last words of pilots seconds before they die in crashes? Well, have we got good news for you!
Plane Crash Info has a page with audio files from the black boxes of literally dozens of tragedies, so you can relax, pour a drink, dim the lights, and experience the kind of emotion that only really comes with listening to people express their last Earthly thoughts to an impersonal recording device. All the hits are there; you can enjoy the last words of the United 93 crew, whose plane crashed in Pennsylvania on 9/11, or if that’s too commercial, try listening to the cryptic “I think that was him. I think so. God bless him.” of TWA 800, which crashed into the Atlantic in 1996. Then there’s the stark elegance of Vnokovo 2801, whose pilot’s last words were, in Russian: “Mountains!!!” If you’re hard of hearing, they’ve got you covered; the site features written transcriptions too. Sorry, Oldies fans – there’s no copy of the Valentich recording, in which he seems to be getting abducted by aliens. Check the site from time to time to see if new appalling human losses have been added.